Change has come to Washington and Barack isn’t even sworn in yet. Tim Geithner, who Mr. Obama wants to run the Treasury, has a new plan for tax rebates and bailing out the common man; don’t pay your taxes!  It’s absolutely brilliant in its simplicity. Instead of waiting for a balky congress to release fund, craft oversight regulations or for government bureaucrats to cut and mail checks simply keep a bunch of what you owe the government. 

Mr. Geithner is truly an economic genius! He has crafted some new business deductions like your kid’s summer camp expenses and the new International Monetary Fund Employee Exemption. Here again he has shown initiative by bypassing that pesky tax code and setting an example for the average citizen that when he’s the big cheese over the IRS we can all just obey whichever pasts of the tax law we deem important.

That is a big change. I have had a few run ins with those sensitive souls at the IRS for a lot less money than Timbo. The difference between the IRS and the Mafia is that once you’re dead the Mafia will stop trying to collect from you. They didn’t let me have six or seven years to settle up. They were sending me letter making me feel like if I didn’t pay up quick I could end up in Gitmo or a Daily Kos meeting.

So, rest easy this April 15^th,  Don’t quake in fear or even worry about sending in your payment, you have a friend in the Treasury Department!  

There is nothing like spending 15 hours driving to Northern Michigan to give you a chance to do some thinking. I don’t know if you believe in God but I have noticed that no matter how far from civilization you get his radio stations always come in clearly.

I watched the debate on Wednesday and thought, and I know this will surprise you, McCain did reasonably well. I am not claiming that his campaign is now reading the VRWC blogs but he did all three things I suggested he should and now his poll numbers are rising here in Ohio and other swing states.

Meanwhile, Joe Biden was out there proving his level of intelligence with two stunningly stupid statements. While a lot of folks on the left look down their surgically enhanced noses at Sarah Palin but I am pretty sure she could tell you how many letters are in the word “jobs”. Then Joe “Have I mentioned I grew up in Scranton in the last five minutes?” Biden suggested that his neighborhood was chock-a-block with blue collar worker like plumbers, cops, and firemen. Sen. Biden, who has done well on $160,000 a year, lives in a 6400 square foot lakeside mansion that sits on a four acre lot valued at 3.5 million. I am not a betting man but I might be willing to risk a buck or two that he is the only government worker or tradesman on his block, especially since his house takes up the whole block.

Then there is Joe Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber. Here is some poor working stiff who dares ask the anointed one a question and now that the answer to that question is partly responsible for sending his poll numbers down the Obamamaniacs are doing a colonoscopy on Joe. Ok, so this single parent father is working as a plumber without a license to support his son and himself. Yeah, he’s behind in his taxes, which might be the reason he’s wondering if he will pay more. Maybe he is dreaming big thinking that someday he will buy out the boss and be making 250 large a year, but isn’t that what America is all about?

So, how does the left treat this working class hero? This guy who Obama/Biden claim to be so in touch with and working so hard to help. They set out to make his life a living hell.  In Obama’s Marxist view of the world there is no upward social or economic mobility. For daring to step up and give a point of view that doesn’t fit in with the Progressive mythology he is investigated. For being a working class guy who might have a longer term view of life than his next paycheck he is slapped down and told to remember his place.  That, my Enlightened Progressive friends, is a tactic that would make Big Joe Stalin proud. Hey, Joe Stalin, another Marxist!

I had to miss the big non-debate the other night because my son broke his arm at football practice. Some kids will do anything for their parents! I think there are many things that we Right Wing Conspirators and you Enlightened Progressives disagree on but can we get some bipartisan support for saying that this alleged debate was the most boring ninety minutes of television since TBS ran a “She’s The Sherriff” marathon. I said in my previous blog that McCain needed to give Obama a verbal “beat down” which his campaign may have taken for “bed down”. Maybe their strategy is to put the left to sleep for the next four weeks and when they wake up McCain will be President.

I said that McCain had to step up in the economic crisis. What he stepped up with was more socialism. Right now I don’t think he could win his Senate seat. Where is Duncan Hunter now that we need him?

Since the Republican Party seems to have no interest in winning the White House the last hope for conservatives may be the Clintons. I don’t think that Hillary has gone back to New York and told herself that being a U.S. Senator is pretty good and she can do a lot of good work in the Senate.  I think that this is a woman who feels like she was owed the nomination and that Obama and Move On have done her wrong. She wants to be President and if Obama wins she is McCain’s age before she gets another chance. I don’t think Bill Clinton is too happy going from “first black president” to racist good old boy. Even if it’s not true (let’s not forget one of Bill’s early mentors was segregationist and anti-Semite, J. William Fulbright) it makes him look bad and there is nothing an ego the size of Vermont hates more than looking bad. The Clinton’s are seething in their separate bedrooms and know how to get even. They are like Michael Corleone, quietly going about their business while their minions have been sent out and all scores will be settled before Election Day.  

I had to run this idea by someone to make sure I was on the right track so I called my ultra liberal older brother. He’s the kind of guy that is the heart and soul of the Obama Nation. Upper middle class white guy who for some reason feels like he is part of the oppressed masses. I called and ran my idea by him and he started into a laundry list of reason why it wouldn’t happen. I knew I was on to something. Then he reminded me that several weeks ago I had written that the “lipstick” comment would be the seminal moment of the campaign and it was all but forgotten. I hate when that happens.

Before I get going on the non-debate last night I think all Americans can agree that after seeing Gwen Ifell’s jacket that somewhere there is a Laz-E-Boy missing a cover. If I was really looking for a Right Wing Conspiracy it was a blue jacket, a subtle nod to her left leaning politics? Who’s to say?

Maybe I don’t what a debate is. I just watched the Denzel Washington movie too. This was a let me answer your question with a rehearsed talking point fest. Afterwards, I hope to no one’s surprise, both sides claimed victory. I found the whole thing better than Tylenol PM for getting me to sleep. Palin had her wink and over used references to “maverick”.  A note to the McCain campaign, a real maverick wouldn’t have suspended his campaign to run back to Washington to support the conventional wisdom and the President. Had McCain been a maverick like the real conservatives in the House and opposed this bailout crap he would be five points ahead in every swing state instead of five points behind. A liberal friend told me there is a new drinking game like the old “Newhart” game where every time during a debate when McCain or Palin says maverick you have to do a shot. If this is true there are a lot of enlightened progressives with headaches this morning.

Joey Boy had his Hillary moment near the end where he got all choked up, it reminded me of when the Sean Young replicant in Blade Runner was trying to prove she was really human.

I guess I watch a debate for the same reason I watch a boxing match, I want to see a knockout punch. McCain didn’t have it in his first round with Obama and as much as I like Palin there was not even a good jab in this snooze inducing gab-a-thon.

It pains me to say this but maybe Obama may be right, the Republicans, at least the ones running this campaign don’t get it. Americans don’t want someone who is perfect and they don’t want to see someone who claims to be a leader and a reformer playing defense. The Katie Couric crap is unimportant if we know you are a fighter who is willing to take a punch for us. So, John and Sarah get off of the ropes and start punching.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is putting down the cudgel for a day and reaching across the aisle today to pay tribute to someone who we disagreed with on most political issues but admired as a great American and human being; The Coolest Guy on the Planet, Paul Newman. 

Amid the rubble of the unconstitutional Wall Street bailout and the lackluster debate over the weekend a sad occurrence was noted, the death of Paul Newman. The man who breathed life into several of the most iconic screen heroes and anti-heroes passed away at the age of eighty three. In a life that spanned the arts, sports, politics and philanthropy he went from James Dean runner-up to the coolest guy on the planet.

He made several of what were arguably the greatest movies ever made including “The Hustler” and “Cool Hand Luke” which are in my personal top five. He got nominated more times than Harold Stassen but in an odd tribute to his career got his only Oscar of “The Color of Money” which might make a top ten list of the worst sequels ever made.

He was reported to be a down to earth guy but what else would you expect from a kid from Shaker Heights, Ohio. A veteran of World War II his life is a lesson in perseverance. Seen early in his movie career as a Brando wanna-be or James Dean imitator he lost several roles which would have made him a star in the early going. He hung tough to compile a multi-faceted life which far eclipsed cult hero Dean and the bizarre later life antics of Brando.

He donated what has been reported to be between 170 and 250 million dollars to charity through his “Newman’s Own” brands. Married for over fifty years to his second wife he defied any categorization on and off the screen. So pop the top off a long neck beer, have a boiled egg and shoot a game of nine ball in tribute as we send off the coolest guy on the planet. 

When John McCain gave Americans some straight talk and said the economy wasn’t his strong point he was roundly chastised. How can a guy stand to be the leader of the free world and not understand the economy?

Is it clear yet to everyone that even all of the guys who say they know about the economy don’t know jack? Instead of Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulsen running the economy we could have had Ben Stiller and Pat Paulsen setting policy and things couldn’t be much worse.  One thing I am sure there is plenty of blame to go around. Wall Street greed, loose oversight, liberal lawmakers insisting loans be given to those unable to afford them, conservative lawmakers unwilling to stand up to them and bad karma can all bend over and take a few whacks on the backside from the public and the media.

Here is the thing I don’t get, approximately five percent of mortgage loans are going into default and the housing market is only a part of our economy and yet we seem to be teetering on the brink of a worldwide economic collapse. Nineteen out of twenty folks are still paying their bills and the fan is flinging manure everywhere?  I don’t buy it, no pun intended. If the big bad global economy is so bad that a relative handful of overreaching American dreamers and greedy speculators can bring it to its knees than maybe it’s time to let the dust fly and the chips fall where they may.

As a true conservative and laissez-faire capitalist I am not in favor of bailouts. Let’s start standing by what we say we believe as right wing nut jobs and let the market settle things. AIG fails, so be it! Lehman Brothers goes south, that’s too bad. When you loan or borrow money there is risk. When you invest there is risk. You want to avoid risk then pay rent all your life and put your money in an insured CD, take your two and a half percent and shut your yap. I don’t think it’s the government’s job to make sure we are all ok. I lost a fortune in the tech collapse and nobody came down from D.C. and made me whole again. Where is the difference? Because you invested in a house and I invested in jellydonuts.com (It seemed like a good idea at the time, I mean who doesn’t like jelly donuts?) you get your money back and I go suck on rocks.

The other problem is this, where do we stop bailing? The airlines, the automakers, the investment bankers and God knows who else already have their hands out. Who’s next? The WNBA isn’t doing too well so maybe we can bail them out.  Air America has had some financial trouble perhaps they could get a government loan.  And if there is no end to bailouts then I have some bad investments I made the last time I was in Vegas I need to talk to my Congressman about.       

Writer’s note, Sandra Bernhard recently opened a show at the D.C. Jewish Community Center. If you have a strong stomach follow this link for a little clip of the obscenity laced, anti-Christian, racist and sexist rant

http://www.cultureandmediainstitute.org/articles/2008/20080912200433.aspx

Dear Sandra,

I heard about your new show at the D.C. Jewish Community Center. I am afraid I won’t be able to get to Washington to see it. I am tied up with trying to be less bitter and not cling to my guns and God so tightly like Mr. Obama has encouraged me to do. I am so provincial! It must be awesome to be so advanced like you! I have heard a few clips from your show and have already learned much. First, let me say how impressed I am by your expansive vocabulary! I hope my impressions of your show's content haven’t been taken out of context. That is really low and I am sure no left leaning person would ever do anything like that.

I have been to New York a few times. It seemed like a nice enough town but maybe I didn’t get a chance to meet the folks you hang out with there.  I will admit I am an unsophisticated hillbilly and don’t know much about the ways of the big city. I want to thank you for helping me know that real women like you feel gang rape is a fitting punishment for political thought you don’t agree with. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that in your world African-American men are seen as gang rapist. I didn’t know that sophisticated Jewish philosophy in New York considers the New Testament “Goyish crappy shiksa funky bulls***”.  Here in Hicksville we try to respect everyone’s beliefs. How out of date that must seem to you “enlightened progressives”.

Since most of us can’t afford to come to D.C. Maybe you could bring our show out here? Perhaps you could come out here to our little backwash of civilization and educate us. I know being among so many rubes might scare someone of your sophistication but our crime rate is very low. Even with all the guns around our town hardly anyone ever gets shot except when they are breaking into someone’s house at night or trying to hurt another person. I know this seems nuts to someone as advanced as you but we still believe in personal property and the right to life!  We won’t make fun of your looks; there are a lot of people out here who haven’t had cosmetic surgery either. People here try to look for the positive in everyone no matter what they might look like, where they might come from or what they believe. Try not to make fun of what we wear when you are here. A lot of our clothes are out of date. Folks here would like to shop at Bloomingdale’s or Neiman’s but we spend our money stupidly by paying our mortgages, tithing to our churches and synagogues, and buying school supplies for our kids. Don’t worry about being gang raped either, people here don’t do that kind of thing not even as a political re-education tool, not even the Black people.

Your Fan,

Jeffrey Jena

Yesterday Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius suggested that ugly racism is afoot in the Presidential race! She talked about, “All the code language, all that doesn’t show up in the polls” and I am not exactly sure what she meant by that but I decided to look into recent elections and see if there was any evidence of racism. I have done some investigating what I have found is shocking! Shocking! I have discovered there is an organized effort to keep highly qualified African-American candidates out of office and I think as good citizens, regardless of political party, it is our duty to speak out.

This effort is back by millions of dollars donated by unsuspecting people. These dollars are then used to stop these minority candidates from reaching positions of power. I have found three recent examples where the organization in question, which is run largely by rich white Christian men, has run ads and done all in its power to keep African-Americans from office. In all three cases this racist group has backed and elected rich white, middle aged heterosexual men, two of whom were practicing Christians in place of these highly qualified Black men. Two of the candidates which were backed by this organization were also the sons of elected officials who had previously held high elected offices in their state after being backed by this odious organization. Don’t we all hate that good-old-boy crap?

The three men who were denied office by this group were Ken Blackwell of Ohio, Michael Steel of Maryland and Lynn Swann of Pennsylvania. The name of the racist organization is The Democrat Party! The sad part of this whole story is that these “Democrats” pretend to be open-minded about women and other minorities seeking office. They are so cynical that they will sometimes nominate a minority candidate for an election that they know they will lose so they can hide their nefarious purpose. Please help me stop these morons from doing any more harm to our country and vote against them and their operatives this November.

I have been out of touch with the world for three days and it was actually pretty nice. Let me give you the back story, on Sunday the remnants of Hurricane Ike dropped down on us here in Flyoverland. We had six hours of winds that got as strong as eighty miles per hour. That’s a category one hurricane in the Midwest. The last one was in 1908. We get hurricanes as often as the Cubs win a world series so it wasn’t something we were expecting. I had a tree that was thirty inches in diameter fall across my driveway and another in back of my house. In our three state area there were over three million people without power. There are still several hundred thousand in the dark. So I got three days without the constant bombardment of political ads and internet. My neighbors and I cleared fallen trees for two days with chain saws and no help from FEMA.  We aren’t looking for the Feds or the State to come in and make us whole. There was no looting and the crime rate actually went way down for the past few days.  I saw a lot of people just driving around and when they saw someone who needed help pulled up and helped out. Cutting trees, clearing debris, fixing roofs and making sure older folks were ok.  We are the same morons who think things aren’t as bad as Big Media wants us to think they are and like Sarah Palin. 

Today the juice came back on and I had a lot of catching up to do. I had hundreds of e mails and messages on Facebook and My Space. I hadn’t written a word for four days and since I hadn’t been watching or reading the news didn’t know what to write about or exactly what had been going on. I went in search of a blog topic. Barack had hosted a $28,500 a plate dinner in LA to show how out of touch John McCain is with the common man, too easy. Our embassy in Yemen was attacked, to tragic. Then I saw it! It brought tears of joy to my eyes. One of Hillary Clinton’s best friends and big fundraisers had come out and endorsed McCain.

As the founder and chief conspirator of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy I was sad to see Hillary lose the nomination. Smacking the Clintons around was our raison d’être.  I was going to miss all the conniving and underhanded dealing, all of the graft and dalliances of Billy Boy.  I was wondering how the Clintons were going to handle trying to seem like they were supporting Obama and yet wishing he was going to lose so Hillary could run in 2012. I thought the VRWC was going to go the way of communism relegated to the ash heap of history. Then the heavy handed machinations of the Clintons appeared! One of their best friends and major fundraisers came out and endorsed McCain. Ms. Lynn Forester De Rothchild was on Fox News pumping up the Republican ticket. She didn’t really sound too enthusiastic to me. She didn’t really seem too sure what McCain’s policies were. I was waiting for her to say, “Sarah who?”  Then it hit me, she was sent out to endorse McCain by the Clintons. I believe that we will see more and more Cintonistas come out as the election gets closer. All the while Hillary will give her tepid stump speech for Obama and claim that she is 100 percent behind Barack. Change? Not the Clintons, they care about one thing, the Clintons.

 For all of my enlightened progressive friends out there in cyberland who are just atwitter and twitching about Gov. Palin let me give you a little history lesson.

There is a candidate for VP. This candidate is an outdoors type person, hunter, hiker, likes fishing, church goer, GUN OWNER!  You know the type. This candidate has little experience in public office, had been in the state legislature for awhile but left and moved out west. The candidate had been a big failure in business out west and moved back to live off the family money.  You know how the rich are they really never have to work.  Later, the candidate gets a low level bureaucrat job for one and a half years because someone was doing a friend a favor. Of course this candidate is a Republican you know how that works.

The candidate had once run for mayor about four years earlier and finished third in a three person race, LOSER! So, this person starts making waves in the job! Can you believe it, instead of just sitting at the desk and picking up a government paycheck every week this person tries to reform things. Anyway, all the folk who have all the political experience, they want to get rid of this dweeb so being savvy political types they kick the candidate upstairs into a run for an office they know will be a lost cause. They nominate this bozo for Governor and what do you know somehow this inexperienced moron wins! Now this candidate is in the way of the political machine of the party in the state so after a year as Governor they put this jerk, this nothing, this inexperienced chump with little foreign policy or executive experience on the national ticket as the running mate with the President. They overlook the fact the candidate is only 44 and has nothing on the resume which points to any ability to run the country. They figure that this will be the end of their problem. They win and six months later the president is dead and this inexperienced idiot who in no way is “ready on day two”  to be president is sitting in the big chair.

Disaster for America? No, one of the top five presidents of all time; Teddy Roosevelt.

Go Sarah!

I will be losing some right wing wacko points for saying this but I feel sorry for Charlie Gibson. This guy scores the first sit down with Governor Palin and has to feel it is something of a coup but in fact it was a no win situation for him.

No matter what he did he was coming out a loser. If he would have come out and slapped Palin in the face, called her a lying whore and started running around the studio with an Obama/Biden sign there are people on the left who would have bemoaned his softball approach. He could have come out and washed her feet, fed her grapes and asked her what her favorite color is and some of my friend would have screamed about the liberal mainstream media.  So what’s a newsman to do?  Exactly what Gibson did, conduct a no nonsense, no gotcha question straight up interview that left all sides unhappy.

Meanwhile the Democrat lawyers are up north digging up more of Alaska that Exxon would in ANWAR looking for some dirt on the Governor.  What they are finding is pretty much nothing and even such liberal stalwarts like Mark Penn are crying foul. But here is the thing that really as the lawyers and the media befuddled; none of her friends seem to want to dish the dirt on Governor Palin. It’s one of those small town values that the jaded folks from the big cities just don’t get. They are used to living in communities where folks sell out their mothers for ten minutes on Oprah and a ride in a limo. They just don’t get that not everyone is willing to speak evil of a friend because CNN or ABC asks you to.

So they continue to side up with a heavy drinking ex-cop who may have tazed his own kid and a few angry democrats who see a brief spot on the evening news as their fifteen or a little revenge for that pet bill the Governor vetoed. So while the President has rating in the low 30’s and Congress in the low teens the media just doesn’t get why they are regarded right below pedophiles on the career respect scale.