I had to miss the big non-debate the other night because my son broke his arm at football practice. Some kids will do anything for their parents! I think there are many things that we Right Wing Conspirators and you Enlightened Progressives disagree on but can we get some bipartisan support for saying that this alleged debate was the most boring ninety minutes of television since TBS ran a “She’s The Sherriff” marathon. I said in my previous blog that McCain needed to give Obama a verbal “beat down” which his campaign may have taken for “bed down”. Maybe their strategy is to put the left to sleep for the next four weeks and when they wake up McCain will be President.

I said that McCain had to step up in the economic crisis. What he stepped up with was more socialism. Right now I don’t think he could win his Senate seat. Where is Duncan Hunter now that we need him?

Since the Republican Party seems to have no interest in winning the White House the last hope for conservatives may be the Clintons. I don’t think that Hillary has gone back to New York and told herself that being a U.S. Senator is pretty good and she can do a lot of good work in the Senate.  I think that this is a woman who feels like she was owed the nomination and that Obama and Move On have done her wrong. She wants to be President and if Obama wins she is McCain’s age before she gets another chance. I don’t think Bill Clinton is too happy going from “first black president” to racist good old boy. Even if it’s not true (let’s not forget one of Bill’s early mentors was segregationist and anti-Semite, J. William Fulbright) it makes him look bad and there is nothing an ego the size of Vermont hates more than looking bad. The Clinton’s are seething in their separate bedrooms and know how to get even. They are like Michael Corleone, quietly going about their business while their minions have been sent out and all scores will be settled before Election Day.  

I had to run this idea by someone to make sure I was on the right track so I called my ultra liberal older brother. He’s the kind of guy that is the heart and soul of the Obama Nation. Upper middle class white guy who for some reason feels like he is part of the oppressed masses. I called and ran my idea by him and he started into a laundry list of reason why it wouldn’t happen. I knew I was on to something. Then he reminded me that several weeks ago I had written that the “lipstick” comment would be the seminal moment of the campaign and it was all but forgotten. I hate when that happens.

Before I get going on the non-debate last night I think all Americans can agree that after seeing Gwen Ifell’s jacket that somewhere there is a Laz-E-Boy missing a cover. If I was really looking for a Right Wing Conspiracy it was a blue jacket, a subtle nod to her left leaning politics? Who’s to say?

Maybe I don’t what a debate is. I just watched the Denzel Washington movie too. This was a let me answer your question with a rehearsed talking point fest. Afterwards, I hope to no one’s surprise, both sides claimed victory. I found the whole thing better than Tylenol PM for getting me to sleep. Palin had her wink and over used references to “maverick”.  A note to the McCain campaign, a real maverick wouldn’t have suspended his campaign to run back to Washington to support the conventional wisdom and the President. Had McCain been a maverick like the real conservatives in the House and opposed this bailout crap he would be five points ahead in every swing state instead of five points behind. A liberal friend told me there is a new drinking game like the old “Newhart” game where every time during a debate when McCain or Palin says maverick you have to do a shot. If this is true there are a lot of enlightened progressives with headaches this morning.

Joey Boy had his Hillary moment near the end where he got all choked up, it reminded me of when the Sean Young replicant in Blade Runner was trying to prove she was really human.

I guess I watch a debate for the same reason I watch a boxing match, I want to see a knockout punch. McCain didn’t have it in his first round with Obama and as much as I like Palin there was not even a good jab in this snooze inducing gab-a-thon.

It pains me to say this but maybe Obama may be right, the Republicans, at least the ones running this campaign don’t get it. Americans don’t want someone who is perfect and they don’t want to see someone who claims to be a leader and a reformer playing defense. The Katie Couric crap is unimportant if we know you are a fighter who is willing to take a punch for us. So, John and Sarah get off of the ropes and start punching.

When John McCain gave Americans some straight talk and said the economy wasn’t his strong point he was roundly chastised. How can a guy stand to be the leader of the free world and not understand the economy?

Is it clear yet to everyone that even all of the guys who say they know about the economy don’t know jack? Instead of Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulsen running the economy we could have had Ben Stiller and Pat Paulsen setting policy and things couldn’t be much worse.  One thing I am sure there is plenty of blame to go around. Wall Street greed, loose oversight, liberal lawmakers insisting loans be given to those unable to afford them, conservative lawmakers unwilling to stand up to them and bad karma can all bend over and take a few whacks on the backside from the public and the media.

Here is the thing I don’t get, approximately five percent of mortgage loans are going into default and the housing market is only a part of our economy and yet we seem to be teetering on the brink of a worldwide economic collapse. Nineteen out of twenty folks are still paying their bills and the fan is flinging manure everywhere?  I don’t buy it, no pun intended. If the big bad global economy is so bad that a relative handful of overreaching American dreamers and greedy speculators can bring it to its knees than maybe it’s time to let the dust fly and the chips fall where they may.

As a true conservative and laissez-faire capitalist I am not in favor of bailouts. Let’s start standing by what we say we believe as right wing nut jobs and let the market settle things. AIG fails, so be it! Lehman Brothers goes south, that’s too bad. When you loan or borrow money there is risk. When you invest there is risk. You want to avoid risk then pay rent all your life and put your money in an insured CD, take your two and a half percent and shut your yap. I don’t think it’s the government’s job to make sure we are all ok. I lost a fortune in the tech collapse and nobody came down from D.C. and made me whole again. Where is the difference? Because you invested in a house and I invested in jellydonuts.com (It seemed like a good idea at the time, I mean who doesn’t like jelly donuts?) you get your money back and I go suck on rocks.

The other problem is this, where do we stop bailing? The airlines, the automakers, the investment bankers and God knows who else already have their hands out. Who’s next? The WNBA isn’t doing too well so maybe we can bail them out.  Air America has had some financial trouble perhaps they could get a government loan.  And if there is no end to bailouts then I have some bad investments I made the last time I was in Vegas I need to talk to my Congressman about.       

I have been out of touch with the world for three days and it was actually pretty nice. Let me give you the back story, on Sunday the remnants of Hurricane Ike dropped down on us here in Flyoverland. We had six hours of winds that got as strong as eighty miles per hour. That’s a category one hurricane in the Midwest. The last one was in 1908. We get hurricanes as often as the Cubs win a world series so it wasn’t something we were expecting. I had a tree that was thirty inches in diameter fall across my driveway and another in back of my house. In our three state area there were over three million people without power. There are still several hundred thousand in the dark. So I got three days without the constant bombardment of political ads and internet. My neighbors and I cleared fallen trees for two days with chain saws and no help from FEMA.  We aren’t looking for the Feds or the State to come in and make us whole. There was no looting and the crime rate actually went way down for the past few days.  I saw a lot of people just driving around and when they saw someone who needed help pulled up and helped out. Cutting trees, clearing debris, fixing roofs and making sure older folks were ok.  We are the same morons who think things aren’t as bad as Big Media wants us to think they are and like Sarah Palin. 

Today the juice came back on and I had a lot of catching up to do. I had hundreds of e mails and messages on Facebook and My Space. I hadn’t written a word for four days and since I hadn’t been watching or reading the news didn’t know what to write about or exactly what had been going on. I went in search of a blog topic. Barack had hosted a $28,500 a plate dinner in LA to show how out of touch John McCain is with the common man, too easy. Our embassy in Yemen was attacked, to tragic. Then I saw it! It brought tears of joy to my eyes. One of Hillary Clinton’s best friends and big fundraisers had come out and endorsed McCain.

As the founder and chief conspirator of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy I was sad to see Hillary lose the nomination. Smacking the Clintons around was our raison d’être.  I was going to miss all the conniving and underhanded dealing, all of the graft and dalliances of Billy Boy.  I was wondering how the Clintons were going to handle trying to seem like they were supporting Obama and yet wishing he was going to lose so Hillary could run in 2012. I thought the VRWC was going to go the way of communism relegated to the ash heap of history. Then the heavy handed machinations of the Clintons appeared! One of their best friends and major fundraisers came out and endorsed McCain. Ms. Lynn Forester De Rothchild was on Fox News pumping up the Republican ticket. She didn’t really sound too enthusiastic to me. She didn’t really seem too sure what McCain’s policies were. I was waiting for her to say, “Sarah who?”  Then it hit me, she was sent out to endorse McCain by the Clintons. I believe that we will see more and more Cintonistas come out as the election gets closer. All the while Hillary will give her tepid stump speech for Obama and claim that she is 100 percent behind Barack. Change? Not the Clintons, they care about one thing, the Clintons.